Inequalities

'Now, there are certain things that women should do that men shouldn’t….’ Oh dear, here we go... again...!

At some points living in a society, with what may be considered fairly outdated views on gender equality, can take its toll. Among the things that I have been advised not to do are: climb the mango tree to get over the fence into our neighbours’ garden because I might 'fall and hurt myself' despite the fact that the boys next door do it on a regular basis (I climb it anyway). In fact, I’m advised not really to climb anything more than a chair in case I do something weak and womanly and hurt myself. We have to be found chairs if Ruth and I are standing around, as one or both of us might be overcome with a sudden dizzy spell or fainting fit (as we women often are) . I was told the workshop next door is ‘very dangerous you know, there is lots of powerful machinery’. Not a place for a woman. After a few conversations where I was told all of the things I couldn’t do I  started to feel a bit restricted but thankfully I have since discovered that there are a whole host of things that are socially acceptable for me, as woman, to do. I am allowed to cook all of my families’ meals. I am allowed to do the washing up, to clean the house, look after the children and to make the beds. As well as this, we woman have to be careful about what we eat. I can eat as much salad as I want (a woman’s food) but if I want another helping of spaghetti I’m warned that I might get fat despite the fact that the men I’m eating with are already on their third portion without anyone blinking an eye. Dominicans are very honest about your appearance and I have been told on a number of occasions that I’m getting fat. I’m often told this while being pinched and prodded by various probing hands. However on the same day we have also been told that we are too thin to work and that we should eat more platanos. There is no winning.

Despite my moaning I know that in just under a month I can go home and climb trees, jump fences, fix bikes and chop wood to my heart’s content but for women here these gender stereotypes are a daily reality.  After a day at work the last thing that I want to do is cook dinner for my extended family and neighbours in a stifling kitchen or over a coal fire while the male members of my family sit outside, joke and play dominoes or lounge around and watch television (often with the volume on maximum). When you ask a boy  “what can you cook?” the answers usually hover around the  arroz blanco (white rice) or  huevos (eggs) zone. However, it is unfair to say that men here can’t cook. We have been cooked (albeit with a bit of gentle direction) a range of things from mangu (mashed plantains with onion) to spaghetti, by men (usually as a forfeit for a bet which they invariably lose). So, it’s not that Dominican men don’t have the capacity to cook, its down to social conditioning with maybe a good dose of laziness thrown in.

As well as general social norms and boundaries there often rules imposed by religion. In a number of churches in the village, for example, women are prohibited from wearing trousers. When asked why, the only answer we were given was that ‘God wrote in the Bible that women should only wear skirts’. The subject was not raised again. In school, there are a number of girls who are very good at volley ball but who are not on the team. When asked why, they told us that to play on the team you have to wear the uniform which, of course, consists of a vest top and shorts and because these girls are Christians they are not allowed to wear shorts. Whilst these parts of life pose daily challenges, both to the women here and to my self composure, they don’t come anywhere close to addressing more complex issues that are engrained in people’s lives.

I have mentioned in previous posts about the prevalence of infidelity in society and its general social acceptance as a part of people’s lives. When I talk about infidelity I am referring mostly to male infidelity; whilst I’m sure it happens, female infidelity isn’t something that I have come across or heard about. The general social acceptance of male infidelity is something that I have found really challenging. It is a very complex issue and I think I am just on the brink of understanding how it affects the social structure and opinions of people in the community around me. I can’t judge something that I don’t understand and I have come to accept the fact that men have more than one family, that wives share their husband with other women and that children,whose mothers have the same husband, sit and work together in class. This is just a part of life here. Unsurprisingly this does cause some confusion and leads to some surprising discoveries. For example we have discovered that if you are with a child in any part of the village he / she can name at least three family members within a twenty meter radius. It certainly caused confusion when I asked children to draw their family. The first learning curve was just to keep it to your immediate family after one girl told me that she had over thirty cousins. Even after the task was simplified I was still asked questions like:  all my brothers and sisters or just with my mum and dad?  The thing is, this is not a sob story about how unhappy people are: whilst I might find it difficult to swallow, the fact is that people are contented. It is just part of life here and people accept it and get on with it whether I think it’s right or not.

Anyway, lecture over. It’s time for dinner and then I’m off to climb a mango tree!